


into the light

by twistedsky



Category: Falling Skies
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-25
Updated: 2015-02-25
Packaged: 2018-03-09 18:06:07
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death, No Archive Warnings Apply, Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,668
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3259322
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/twistedsky/pseuds/twistedsky
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In death, there are second chances.</p>
            </blockquote>





	into the light

“I’ll be there soon, Lourdes,” Lexi whispers to herself.

Her life is coming to an end.

This is her salvation, her redemption, her _forgiveness_.

Or, at least, this is the closest she’ll ever come to any of those things.

She’s saving the earth. Her people will live to fight another day, and this will make all the difference.

In minutes, then seconds, she’ll be dead, and this’ll all be over.

She can feel _everything_. So much power, and it all comes down to the most human of emotions, the most human of experiences.

Self-sacrifice hadn’t been the path she’d expected to take, but maybe it’s better this way.

Humanity shall persevere.

If heaven and hell do exist, she wonders which afterlife she’ll find herself in, and she wonders if she’ll find what she’s looking for.

She’d never had a chance, not really. Her growth spurts, her destiny, her _power_ —it was never going to end well for her, she knows now.

Maybe the next life will be kinder, she thinks.

And then, there’s no more time for thought.

In one fell swoop, she feels every atom she’s made of snap apart, like she’d once been taught to do herself.  It seems fitting, she thinks.

Death, much like life, is impressive.

~~

The first time Lourdes sees the blond-haired, young adult version of Lexi Mason, she sharply breathes in and nearly forgets how to breathe.

“Do you still like me?” Lexi asks her while she’s straightening up the living quarters.

Lourdes turns to her, “What kind of question is that? Of course I do,” she says without hesitation.

Lexi has the soft worldview of a child, but she’s as smart and adult as Lourdes is. She’s clever, and she’s kind, and she’s—“You’re my savior,” Lourdes reminds her softly. “I could never not like you.”

Lexi smiles slightly, and Lourdes can’t help but smile back. “I'm your friend," Lexi says firmly, because that's the more important designation. "I don’t know what I’d do without you,” Lexi tells her, and Lourdes closes the distance between them, taking Lexi's hands in her own.

“You will never have to find out,” Lourdes promises. “I believe in you, Lexi Mason.”

Lexi gently squeezes Lourdes’s hands and laughs. “I am so grateful for you, Lourdes.”

“And I’m grateful for you. You’re my family now,” Lourdes tells her. “I’d follow you into the depths of hell.”

“I don’t think that’ll be necessary,” Lexi says, and she certainly hopes not.

~~

There’s a different version of events where Lexi never exists, where the aliens never come, where Lourdes becomes a doctor, and never sees the darkest parts of her life come to pass.

She never betrays her people despite herself, because of some alien bug in her head, and she never kills in order to survive.

Instead, she’s happy.

This, of course, is not how events unfold.

~~

Lexi feels like she’s doing the right thing when she ends the life of her closest friend.

She should feel more, she should feel pain at least, but she doesn’t.

She feels like she has set Lourdes _free_.

(Later, Lexi crumbles under the weight of those lies, and nearly falls apart from her own betrayal, from her own inability to see the truth right in front of her.)

But now, all she feels is power.

Lourdes falls to the ground, and Lexi has saved her again.

This is how it was always meant to happen.

~~

The first time Lexi saves Lourdes, Lourdes is caged, she’s sad, she’s _broken._

Lexi is a child then, and therefore approaches her with curiosity. Lexi can _feel_ what she’s capable of, and thus she reaches out her hand, and _pulls_.

Lourdes collapses, and Lexi squashes the leftover bits into nothing, letting them drop to the ground.

The pain that was just in Lourdes’s eyes is now gone, and light has returned.

In this moment, Lexi has won Lourdes’s loyalty, though she doesn't entirely understand what she's done.

Lourdes, however, feels it with every fiber in her being.

Lourdes has been _saved_.

~~

Lourdes slides her hand into Lexi’s. “You’ve built something so beautiful here,” she says.

Lexi tilts her head toward Lourdes. “Have I?” She looks down at her hands, and wonders if this is all she can be, if this is all she is.

She misses her family, and her childhood, and while one may be recoverable, the other will never be.

She’s the savior, she’s the hero, she’s _important._.

She’s treated like a god, but she wants only to be a girl.

But wants and hopes are irrelevant now, she knows.

Lexi has a destiny, a _purpose._

“It’s amazing,” Lourdes tells her. “Everything that you are. You’re a beacon of hope.”

“I know,” Lexi says, and she pulls her hand out of Lourdes’s hand. “I’m important.”

“You are,” Lourdes says. “But you’re more than that.”

“Am I?” Lexi turns to face her. “You call me your savior, your beacon of hope, you treat me like I’m some sort of high priestess.”

“You’re _Lexi,”_ Lourdes says, like that means something.

Does it? Lexi wonders.

“I don’t know what that means,” Lexi admits. “I’m so young, I have so little experience. I don’t—I’ve never had time to figure out who I am.”

“That doesn’t matter,” Lourdes tells her.

Lexi doesn’t think Lourdes understands, but then she continues.

Lourdes hesitates, grappling for the right words. “Humanity could spend an eternity looking for the answers to those questions—who are we? What’s our purpose? And most people never find their answers.”

“I know what my purpose is.” Lexi has never doubted that.

“That makes you lucky,” Lourdes says. “Graced by God. But you’re more than your purpose, Lexi.” Lourdes takes her hand. “You’re a person, with feelings and thoughts. You’re a hero too. You smile when I bring you bits of chocolate, and you laugh at Maggie’s impression of Hal. You’re more than just our savior. You’re our friend.”

Lexi turns to face Lourdes. “Am I truly more than just your savior?”

“Yes,” Lourdes says declaratively, looking her straight in the eyes. “You’re my friend, and I’m yours.”

Lexi wonders how true that could be.

She thinks Lourdes believes it—in fact, Lexi can _feel_ her belief, and sometimes it’s terrifying how unwavering it is.

Lexi doesn’t know what she’d do without Lourdes.

“Thank you,” Lexi says softly.

No one else can see her weakness, she knows. No one else can worry, or feel the weight that Lexi knows is on her shoulders.

It must seem effortless, it must be _perfect._

~~

For months all she’s felt is pure devotion, unwavering loyalty and—yes, yes, love.

In this moment, she looks into Lexi’s eyes and sees a stranger, and as she dies in this blistering, painful, terrifying moment, she feels the entire world fall out from beneath her.

This isn’t fair.

This isn’t right, this isn’t what she’d fought for, what she’d wanted.

She misses the girl she used to be—even the girl she was with the 2nd Mass.

This was an illusion, she realizes.

Lexi’s peace was false. Lexi’s friendship was a lie. Lexi is—Lourdes looks into the eyes of the girl she loves, and she realizes the truth.

Lexi is gone.

And then, so is Lourdes, albeit in much different way.

Death, she discovers, is horrifying.

And thus, Lourdes stops fighting(whether with guns or with words, it all stops now).

~~

Lourdes discovers that she’s in love with Lexi on a bright, shining day.

Lexi looks up at her from her tea, laughing at something Lourdes just said, and Lourdes _knows_.

There’s an ache in her breast, and a burning light in her soul, and Lourdes _knows_.

Lexi doesn’t notice, of course, which is for the best, and Lourdes struggles to hide it from day to day, because there are much more important things to worry about.

It’s the end of the world, Lourdes knows, and some people grasp onto love so tightly, like it’ll give them a purpose for living, like it’ll make all of the terrible, horrendous things that have happened to them fade away, at least a little, at least sometimes.

Lourdes has tried that before, but that ends in more suffering, because love always ends one way or another.

Lourdes looks at Lexi and for the first time she _feels_ that love she’s been jealous of, and is reminded of Hal, Jamil, and then her friends, her makeshift family of sorts.

This love, she knows, will have to stay hidden.

Lexi keeps smiling at her, and Lourdes smiles back, and oh yes, she’s fine with this.

She has hope, and now love, and all she feels is overwhelming bliss.

~~

There’s an ever after, where Lexi doesn’t kill Lourdes, and Lourdes is instead just left behind, broken and crying on the ground.

Maybe, just maybe, in this version of events, the autopilot on the Espheni ship isn't broken, and Lexi makes it back to earth, and they all have a chance at a life again.

Many have died, but Lourdes hasn’t, and so maybe Lexi can find some sort of absolution.

Maybe Lexi can reach out her hand in kindness, and Lourdes can reach back and take it, smiling and offering her forgiveness.

In that world, Lexi kisses Lourdes on a rainy day, and it warms them both to the core.

In that world, there’s hope, and joy, and Lexi and Lourdes revel in that.

This is not the world.

In this world, Lexi and Lourdes are both dead—Lourdes’s blood on Lexi’s hands, and the salvation of earth found in Lexi’s death.

There is no happy ending here.

~~

There’s light, then the face of the girl you love. (Lexi looks at Lourdes, and sees forever.)

There’s apologies, and careful work, and then forgiveness. (In death, Lourdes loves her even more, and her heart spills open so wide, forgiveness seeps inside.)

In one incandescent speck of eternity, Lexi’s hand finds Lourdes’s, and neither ever lets go.

In death, they find peace.


End file.
